Oh no! Stargate and Monty Python Don't Mix
by Zork the Unbearable
Summary: A sequel to Why Danny got Kicked off the TEam, but can be a stand alone. Don't read if you don't know Monty Python as you will die from randomness.


Disclaimer - I do not own any of the Stargate characters I wish I did but I don't so please don't sue me because I'm in debt. If I did own these characters I probably have more money and would not be a student, with no money (.  
  
Oh dear god I have been up all night and its almost 7am. Bah must remind self not to drink cocacola at 10pm and then let cat bring mice into room. Stupid cat chasing mice and making noise stopping me from sleeping making me instead write crazy fan fictions that probably don't make sense and then making me write some rambling of words which I can't quite string together. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.  
  
Anyway this fic is about SG-1 it is set after my last fic *Why Danny gets Kicked off the Team* and is titled *Oh no, Stargate and Monty Python don't mix.*  
  
If you don't know Monty Python you probably shouldn't read this as it will not make sense, really it won't, no seriously guys you just won't get it. So please, please, please do something about this and watch Monty Python, I know you'll love it.  
  
Zork the Unbearable says Enjoy or I shall read from my book of Volgan Poetry.  
  
***********  
  
*We begin our journey it some random room with Daniel and Jack having an in- depth discussion about important things.*  
  
"You know Danny, I don't like the voiceover guy."  
  
"Why"  
  
"He just creeps me out, you know he can find me anywhere I think he was in the bathroom with me the other day!"  
  
"Um Jack he's a voiceover guy he's just around when there is narration needed, that person in the bathroom could easily have been Sam."  
  
"Sooooooooo you think Sam might have been there?"  
  
"Why is there something between you two?"  
  
"God I didn't expect some kind of Spanish Inquisition."  
  
"Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition"  
  
"You are such a nerd Daniel, quoting Monty Python, I really pity you."  
  
"Monty Python are gods they are meant to be quoted and worshipped, just ask any pythonite, they all agree!"  
  
"You are still a nerd, only nerds quote Monty Python."  
  
"Only nerds know who Monty Python are! Ha!"  
  
"Not true"  
  
"Oh yes it is, but don't worry Jack I still think your cool."  
  
Jack exits muttering "I am not a nerd, Daniel is but not me, I am not a nerd!"  
  
Soon after Daniel leaves doing a silly walk.  
  
*Well we have come to a break in the program, time for me voiceover guy to say something intriguing and mysterious to draw you into the program. But I just can't be bothered its not like I get paid for this or anything, maybe I should quit go back to school get a degree, or maybe I should audition to become the voiceover guy on those infomercials that's a good gig I think! Well back to the SGC I think the guys are in that briefing room.*  
  
"SG-1, you are being sent on a mission of the up most importance next week and I need you all to be in top condition. Dr Jackson are you over your coffee addiction, obsession, withdrawal whatever it was?"  
  
"Um General Hammond, Daniel has picked up another condition since he stopped the coffee. He has become a pythonite."  
  
"Major who could you let this happen? You know Dr Jackson is a complete nerd how could you let him watch Monty Python? All we need is another nerd quoting the knights who say Ni. You should all know he is extremely susceptible he is to brain washing!"  
  
"No I'm not"  
  
"Yes you are"  
  
"No I'm not"  
  
"Yes you are"  
  
"Um, is this the five minute argument or the full hour?"  
  
"Shut up Daniel"  
  
"Hey I know that skit it's the argument and contradiction one isn't it?"  
  
"No it's not"  
  
"Yes it is"  
  
"It most certainly is not"  
  
"General I forgot Sam is also a nerd, she sill less nerdy than Daniel but an Astrophysicist of course she's come across phythonists before, why didn't I see it before and now we have lost her too."  
  
"Jack we will have to separate them quickly before they start the cheese shop sketch or heaven forbid the parrot skit."  
  
"I'd like to return this parrot"  
  
"Hurry General, they're starting. We have to move before they really get going."  
  
*Well what have the team got themselves into this time? No I'm asking I was too busy thinking about my life amounting to nothing, to pay attention to the plot or lack there of. So what should I report to you the intrepid audience? Ah he we go a script! Daniel and Sam have been locked into they're rooms where they can be heard shouting lines such as "Its an ex parrot, its ceased to be, gone to meet its maker" and "no its just stunned". We join the rest of the team and General Hammond in the Briefing Room*  
  
"This is over our heads Jack, we need to talk to some one who has greater knowledge and wisdom than us. Who might just have some weapon that could defeat this."  
  
"How about the Asguard, sir?"  
  
"Brilliant idea."  
  
Scene Change to Screen showing Asguard  
  
"Greetings General Hammond, Col O'Neil, Teal'c why have you requested our presence?"  
  
"Um have you by any chance heard of Monty Python?"  
  
"Nobody expects the Spanish inquisition, He's not the messiah, he's just a very naughty boy. Stupid Englishmen I was my private parts in your general direction."  
  
"Oh dear got! It got the Asguard, well we should have realised they'd be take by it do they not look nerdy to you?"  
  
"That's true, why didn't I see it before? And how can we cure these people?"  
  
"How about we replace the quotes in their heads with different ones?"  
  
"Such as?"  
  
"Well from nerdish shows and movies which we can still tolerate, like Futurama, Top Secret and Spaceballs."  
  
"What about Blazing Saddles and Airplane?"  
  
"Even better."  
  
The Next Week  
  
"Are we Awake"  
  
"We are not sure, are we black?"  
  
"Yes we are,"  
  
"Then we're awake but we're very confused."  
  
"Well I guess that is better than python quotes. Hey surely you guys can stop quoting know! And put on those rose badges."  
  
"My names not Shirley!"  
  
"Badges we don't need no stinking badges"  
  
"A wed wose so womantic"  
  
*So the story continues, will this team from the SGC ever get to go off planet ever again? Will strange things stop happening to Daniel; will the rest of the team help de-nerdify Danny?  
  
Highly Unlikely but there is a slim chance.. join me next week when we step though the spooky door, sorry I mean on Stargate SG-1*  
  
*********  
  
Hmmmmmmmm That was strange and weird, thanks to all those who have read this and I'm very sorry for posting this please forgive me! 


End file.
